Thanks to Nagini
by Haruka Black
Summary: The Final Battle is about to tke place and the forces of light are assmbled.So where the heck are the bad guys? oneshot Also includes the vey short story Snakes On a Planewhat happens next
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the world of Harry.(sob) XXXX 

Things were looking grim. It was only a few days until the final battle would take place. The entire castle was on edge. Ever one was doing something. The older students willing to fight were training and practicing spells that they would need in the up coming battle. All of the younger students had been returned in secrete to their families. The barriers around Hogwarts herself had been increased to their maximum. If anymore magic was applied to the castle itself the structure would start to deteriorate.

Hogwarts was now housing beings of every kind. There were elves from the northern mountains, werewolves on the side of light, there was sphinxes, a few kelpie, unicorns and other beings of light, and there were even some dragons willing to help them in the was against Voldemort. There was hope against the dark.

Harry strolled through the halls ready to help with anything that he would be needed with. There was electricity in the air and it made Harry realize how close the end of the war was for better or worse. He had done all he could up to this point he knew his task and knew what might be required of him during the final battle. He was willing to sacrifice himself so future generations could live with out darkness handing over them constantly.

Harry didn't want any more children to grow up without their parents because of twisted people like Voldemort. He didn't want anyone to lead a life that was any thing like the life he had had to live. He was going to kill Voldemort if it was the last thing he did.

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The morning of the final battle dawned with a sunshine that was not fit for the current atmosphere. Every one was on edge and no one was able to sit still. The unicorns, dragons, and other magical beings were down on the grounds patrolling the area and looking for any breach in the wards around Hogwarts. The elves were up in the ramparts of the castle itself waiting with bows and magic of there own.

All of the humans were inside the castle waiting inside the castle and going over battle plan. The younger students had all been evacuated and all that was left was a grim atmosphere that chilled the soul of every one in the castle.

By afternoon though, the sun was hidden behind a heavy fog that crept over the grounds, and made it impossible to see anything more than a few feet away. Lunch was eaten in relative silence. Everyone was saving their strength for that evening.

At dusk every one waited. All of the spies for the light had returned and were helping with the last battle. It didn't matter now if Voldemort knew who they were. There was a full moon that night most likely chosen by Voldemort to increase the power of his forces with the power of the werewolves. Fortunalty the light also had the power of werewolves. There wolfs though were armed with wolfsbane potion so they still had control over their actions.

The night crept on and the unease of the light had increased. When was Voldemort going to attack? The fog that had come in during the afternoon hadn't lifted and didn't help to ease any one.

The entire night went by and there was no attack. Everyone was jumping out of their skins at the smallest of things. The fog was still engulfed the grounds and almost no one noticed that a lone figure was emerging from the fog. Soon though, the unicorns were following the figure giving them an escort. Something big was about to happen

Harry met the figure as they came up to the castle. It was Draco Malfoy

Harry gave a snarl of rage when he saw his arch enemy and lunged at him. A unicorn blocked him though and gave a snort of disapproval.

"What are you doing here?" snarled Harry

"Voldemort's dead."

Harry froze.

"What?"

"Voldemort is dead" he said each word slowly.

"Bu-but how? I'm the only one that's supposed to be able to kill him."

"Well it seems that Dumbledore was off with the prophecy by about fifteen years."

Harry gave him a blank stare.

"My you are thick aren't you?" Draco drawled.

"Well you see when Voldemort was in school he had a girlfriend. Her name was Nagini. Unfortunate for her Voldemort decided to go all evil when they were dating and he turned her into a snake. Her birthday was at the end of July."

"She final got mad at him for ignoring her during the final preparations during the final battle that she bit him. Killed him almost instantly. The last thing she said was that she was going to live in Hawaii and get out of the cold."

"She shocked everyone when she said that last bit in English. The dark ranks have pretty much disbanded. After every one died my dad found a to do list in Voldemort's room that said he was going to kill every one that helped him to take over the world because he didn't wasn't to share."

Soon after that there was a huge party that lasted a month in celebration of the dark lords defeat. Then everything went back to normal…Not!…

XXXX authors notes: So what did you think? I'm open to constructive criticism so please review it really makes authors happy:) 


	2. Chapter 2

Authors notes: I've never seen Snakes on Plane but this seemed like a more likely reason that the snakes were in the plane-in my own world that is. Sorry if I'm offending anyone in any way. The only reason I wrote this is because I thought that maybe someone somewhere might find it funny. It added on to thanks to Nagini nicely so I put them together.

Snakes on a plane 

After Nagini had gotten fed up with her master and old boyfriend (he used to be hot) and bitten him she had been turned back into a human. Now this was nice and pleasant and all but truth be told she liked being a snake. After such of a long time being a snake she could turn into one whenever she liked.

After having spending so much time in abandoned graveyards and cold old mansions she had decided to hop a plan to somewhere warm. She didn't care where it was the only requirement was that it needed to be warm for most of the year.

She arrived at the airport and decided on Florida. It wasn't as warm as she would have like but there was a large area to live in and she wouldn't have to worry about food while she could turn into a snake. After a short wait only two hours the lain she was planning on taking arrived. So after that the plane was thousands of feet in the air. This was when she learned that somehow a group of snakes had somehow managed to follow her onto the plane.

So while a huge black guy was screaming about how he had had it with 'these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane' Nagini had calmly shrunk the snakes and put them in her travel bag. She had explained to them that they were going somewhere very warm and the snakes were happy to comply. No one even noticed that the she had done this they all assumed that the screaming black guy had taken care of the snakes and disposed of the bodies somehow. The rest of the flight was spent in relative silence.

When she finally go to Florida she found the swamp area desirable. She spent a few years there but after a few years she got bored and got married to a wizard. Unfortunately during a rather vicious argument she turned into a snake and tried to eat him. Unfortunately for her his animagus form tuned out to be an alligator and he ripped her apart from the inside. He soon died from her poison though.

The police were horrified to find the two bodies of the people and no one in the city slept peacefully for years.

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Authors Notes: I don't think this is really what happened but It's much more funny. The thing about snakes trying to eat alligators and being torn apart really happens too. Please review, even if you didn't like it. The fact that you would take the time out of your day to insult me is an honor. No, not really I just want reviews.


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